If you think your kids are not watching your every move , think again. Children live what they learn. Some parents will blame the other parent for the way the child turns out and say “Oh it is genetic from your side.” Maybe talents can be genetic, or their mannerisms can be genetic, but behaviors are learned at a very young age.
I think that more likely that most children end up mimicking their parents because of what they see. I think we as parents need to look at our self in the mirror and see what we have done, or are doing in front of our kids ..
There may be a small % of parents who have never drank or smoked, or many of those habits, but there kids do it anyway, but I have found that those kids are looking for the attention from the ones that love them the most and don’t feel like they are getting it, or they do it because they want to belong or fit into the crowd they think is important. I think it really started at home, and they are not getting what they need from home, so they follow the crowd to feel a sense of belonging. They follow their peer’s instead of leading.
I have known many kids and I have watched how they hate that their parents drink, and they call them down because of it, and say they are embarrassed by their behavior, but on their face book, or twitter, or other forms of internet communication tell how they got so drunk to their friends, or say “Hey lets go out and party”, or say “Hey wish that you could have drank with me this weekend,” but yet they think that what they are doing is different than what their parents are doing. This learned behavior can be learned at early ages even under the age of 5, just by what they see. Many kids eventually do the very same thing and deny that they are doing the very thing they hate.
This is only my opinion, and I am not a Dr or psychologist, but I think that first we as parents( if we so take on that role) need to be responsible in how we act in front of our children. Before a child becomes a adult there is a great deal of responsibility that lays in the parents lap as to how they behave in front of their children, and what example they leave, but when a child becomes a adult, no matter what background they come from they need to take responsibility for their behavior…… if they can say I hate how my parents acted or I hate that they are drunks, then they themselves have acknowledged that it is not right what they saw and that they and only they can make the change to not follow the same path. Blaming our mistakes as a adult on our parents is to me not taking ownership of what we do. There may be a hurt from the past, but as a adult you have the choice to make your life different.
If we are to grow in this life then we have to take responsibility for our actions and take ownership of them. There comes a time when we become a adult that we have the freedom to make the changes in our life to make our future better and we need to do it. If we find we are stuck, then seek out help to get you through, there is always a way.
There comes a time when you have to ask when does a person take responsibility for what they do???
The reason I write this blog with such conviction is because I feel if people are to heal from their past then they have to take ownership, and if you want the next generation to be raised having respect for themselves or others around them, then you as a parent need to watch what you do and what example you are leaving with your children when they are young.
Stop making excuses , stop blaming others for what you do and who you are… Take ownership and own it…Some people don’t want to acknowledge mistakes from the past because once you acknowledge it then you are faced with the fact that you need to make a change and many don’t want to make changes.
May you find the peace in life by being true and honest with yourself. Remember that what you do is like leaving footprints for your kids to follow behind you…..
Donna Marie Trapp
